The doom of dodgy diagnosing: How ADHD women are lost to the misdiagnosis of depression

I got this book in 2022 - because I suspected something was seriously off.

After four long years of navigating the special hellscape of stress and chaos that comes with having your life turned upside down by your spouse - I was finally in a good place.

I was optimistic about life, I felt real joy when I laughed, I was making plans for the future 🥰 I wanted to do all of the things! But I just ......couldn't ??

I thought maybe I was still recovering, the depression was lingering, surely I'd just come out of it at some point like I always had before.

Until one morning, as I fought the familiar battle of not being able to get out of bed despite looking forward to my plans for the day, I realised that I'd had enough run ins with depression to know what it felt like - and this wasn't it.

• I wasn't isolating myself from my friends

• I didn't feel that deep void of emotion

• I didn't think people would be no worse off if I didn't exist

So what the hell was going on?

Well obviously - I didn't actually read the book to find out 😂 What I did do though, is talk to a friend at work who told me about their experience of being diagnosed and treated for cycle after cycle of depression for YEARS before a doctor recommended an ADHD assessment. The inattentive ADHD diagnosis was confirmed, and just like that (or rather, after 2 years of waiting lists and titration), they finally started to get better and feel more hopeful about life.

That conversation was the beginning of my exploration into the idea that I might have ADHD too, and whilst I'd had depression in the past, the thought that there could be something more treatable in the mix strengthened my hope and optimism that life would eventually feel better for longer🧡

The irony that my ADHD would have been the thing that stopped me from reading this is not lost on me 😅

Sadly it's a story I've heard too many times since then, especially from women.

I get it - the reasons for this being so common, and more so in women, are plentiful and complex, and it's a whole other important discussion to be had.

Right now, I simply want to draw attention to what can happen when we're told we're "just depressed". The list here is a collection of the most common things I've heard in all the conversations I've had, and a few from my own experience too.

• The guilt and shame of experiencing depression when your life "isn't even so bad"

• The exhaustion from working so hard on the wrong problem

• Hours and hundreds/thousands spent on therapy that doesn't really help whilst people around you just live their lives

• Losing hope when the therapy doesn't work

• The corrosion of any self-confidence you might have once had

• Potential side effects from medication that's barely even helping

• Losing trust in the experts who are supposed to be helping you

• Missing out on opportunities to build financial security

• Using so much energy just to be alive that the idea of ever 'fulfilling your potential' seems impossible

• Not being able to speak about it because you don't have the right language to explain

• The slow dimming of light at the end of the tunnel as you make your way through treatments that seem to work for everyone but you

• Having to actively remind yourself of the reasons you should stay alive

• The loneliness

• The loneliness

• The loneliness.

Misdiagnosis and missed diagnosis steal YEARS from our lives, stunting our ability to have strong careers, good relationships, and build stable enjoyable lives that we get to feel safe in.

Too many people have barely been heard in their conversations with healthcare professionals. Depression is the easiest option, medication is the quickest solution. 'Everyone has depression these days anyway'.

It's slowly changing, with medication not being the first port-of-call for GPs when they suspect depression, but it's not enough. We're being put on waitlists for 6 sessions of counselling in 6 month's time, and CBT which won't work because it's not designed for ADHD brains (it's a big part of why I built coaching designed for ADHD brains instead).

If this resonates - I see you. There is more hope than you think, and if your gut is telling you that you're not 'just depressed', speak to your GP about it, or a friend you trust, or even a local charity supporting neurodivergence. I know the NHS assessment process is a mess right now, but you never know what can come of a small conversation - a small conversation with a friend is what put me on the path to end up here after all! 🧡🧠