Is this love... or are we just Furbies?: How ADHD can make connection feel confusing
- May 17
- 3 min read
We know the deal - there's an undeniable subconscious mystery thing that draws neurodivergent people towards each other. It can happen online, in person, in a split second - when you have no idea that the other person is even ND. I've experienced it enough times now to know it's real, and not just a freaky coincidence.
And in all honesty - it is WONDERFUL. I love it. It's exciting, magical, sparkly, safe, comforting, like a surprise soul-hug. Some of my best friendships have come from this thing.
BUT it can also be confusing af, land us in sticky situations, and make us vulnerable.
Because all those feelings are similar to what happens when you meet someone you 'like like'. Know what I mean?
That magnetism is often mistaken for 'love at first sight', or some deep connection that we convince ourselves will never ever be matched (because the way we feel our emotions can be... intense, to say the least lol), and honestly it leads to some questionable decision making at times.
It can:
Turn into a relationship you don't actually want to be in, because that feeling of safety is something we may not have experienced very often.
Completely steal our focus away from everything else in life because that initial mega-surge of feelings is SO addictive.
Spark the start of an affair. Because this strong feeling must mean that THIS person is 'the one', and not that other person you've built a relationship with where the dopamine is getting harder to find.
Make us ignore every gigantic red flag flying directly in our gorgeous faces, because 'surely a connection like this means something'.
Put us in really dangerous situations. Because, sadly, there are people in the world who know about this, seek it out on purpose, and take advantage of all the other traits that are commonly found in people who experience life in this way.
And then a few months later ...it’s GONE. Just like that.
The feelings vanish quicker than your desire to ‘unpack that’ in a therapy session.
It’s like your attachment developed legs and ran off the edge of a cliff.
And then what? Shame, guilt, confusion, despair, burying your head in the sand to avoid a decision that might hurt someone. Losing years of your life to the wrong thing. Or finding yourself trapped in something horrendous.
It’s hard times for real.
Becoming aware of these things can really help to reduce the risk of exposure to dodgy relationships, and it's not about mistrusting your decisions - it's about self-regulating to allow yourself time and space to process things without accidentally neglecting the rest of your life. It's about making sure you don't use masses of time and energy on something that isn't right for you. And it's about protecting yourself.
I'll be honest, the downside is that the awareness can feel a little like losing your magic (more on that another day), but there's a way to find balance between letting yourself feel the excitement, and staying safe.
And once you get there, you unlock your ability to build beautiful connections that actually last, romantic and otherwise!
If this resonates and you want to explore how to navigate it in your own life, book in a free call, let's chat about it 🧡🧠
