ADHD and sending post : why it's so hard, and what to do about it
Updated: Sep 9
How to actually send off that parcel on time!
Sooooooo I'd been putting off sending a letter for ages, all because I didn't have an envelope. You know how it is, babes.
One day, I found an envelope, and said I'd post it on my way to/from gym class.
2mins before leaving for said class I realised I didn't get it ready to be posted off.
Instead of saying "I'll do it tomorrow", I quickly shoved everything in my bag - so proud of myself 😏
I resisted the urge to go straight home after gym class, and sat in the little cafe to write the address on etc. - even more proud of myself 😎
My phone reminded me to collect my mum's Vinted parcel from the shop on my way home, and I actually did it - BIG TIME PROUD OF MYSELF! 👸🏽
I got home, feeling great, ready to take 'send the letter' off my to-do list ✔️
Opened my gym bag...
...and saw the Queen's lil' face smiling at me from a red stamp. Because of course I'd forgotten to actually put the letter into the post box 🙂🙂🙂
WHY THO?!
1) My brain marked it as 'task complete' as soon as I put that stamp on (it happens a lot at around 90% completion of anything!)
2) ADHD affects working memory. If I don't externalise the task with a reminder like holding the friggin letter in my hand, or setting an alarm on my phone, or even turning on Google Maps to the post box despite knowing exactly where I'm going - the likelihood of me retaining the instruction is v low, especially when there are so many external distractions, on top of my 100 overlapping thoughts + resident DJ Brain!
3) Ooooh put thing in post box so you can perpetuate the cycle of life admin HELL created by capitalism??? Hard pass on intrinsic motivation to do such a ghastly thing.
Anywayyyy - I did post it in the end. Woo! 🕺🏽
Here's what helped:
Treat posting as an entirely separate task
My to-do list didn't include 'prep letter' as a separate task. Writing down the different steps as individual tasks is helpful, because completing just part of a task can make ye olde brain consider the whole thing complete!
Give yourself permission to forget
How often do you think you'll remember something?
How often do you actually remember? 👀
Honestly, I love our optimism, but it's not always helpful is it?
There are lots of reasons why we keep doing this same thing, and I'll talk about them in a separate post, but for now - just know that it's okay to start letting go of this habit. Maybe you will remember it this time, but is it really so bad to put in a safety net just in case?
"You see what you look for"
My dear friends, we cannot help it that our working memory is an absolute shambles, but we can choose to support it and ease the stress it creates. So here's a tip - when there's something you really want to do, tell yourself to look for something associated with it!
When I woke up the day after my failed posting attempt, I set a reminder that said "look for a red post box". Then I said the words to myself a few times as I left the house, and then repeated them a couple of times as I went along my journey. It was WAY more effective than saying "remember to post the letter", because that would still rely purely on my memory.
Visual cues are really helpful, and it's incredibly difficult for your brain to ignore something you've actively decided to look for (this comes from your salience network btw, not the RAS, no matter what TikTok says!)
Make it unignorable
I held the letter in my right hand for the entire journey. Why? Because it's annoying af. When I want to use my phone, when I need to move my hair out of the way, when I need to adjust my headphones because the right one keeps falling out and I seem to have some weird resistance to changing the little rubbery thing.
It's not a strong enough method on it's own (for me), but it is another layer to the safety net.
Note: if you have the tendency to put things down and lose them forever, maybe this one isn't for you!
But wait..... why am I telling you I still do the very things that frustrate you to no end, when the whole point of my coaching is to help you make your life easier?
Because what I didn't do, was call myself an idiot, tell myself I'm so fckn annoying, get angry at my entire existence on this planet, let it throw me off track for the rest of the day, and set me up for being snappy with people who have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Instead, I had a big sigh when I saw the letter in my bag, and reminded myself that I genuinely tried my best and it's okay that it didn't work out (and I meant it!). I thought about how I ended up there, and what I'll try differently next time, and got on with the rest of my day.
That's the bit that really makes a difference to how you feel and function in your day-to-day life.
We're not trying to 'fix' your ADHD, we're changing your relationship with it. And slowly, it all gets easier to manage without you even realising it!
If you've been curious about coaching - let's chat about it ✨🧠🧡
